“HAI Standards”

Guidelines for creating safer space for nourishing interactions.

 

• Ask before you act
  • Learn to to establish consent prior to acting, whether for touch, conversation or anything else that involves others.
  • Extra sensitivity to establishing consent is required prior to sensual touch
  • “Observation is participation” – Ido you have consent to watch?

 

• Engage with curiosity
  • Come into every interaction with the intention of discovery, not persuasion.
  • Extend invitations, not demands.

 

• Listen for the CLEAR yes
  • Yes mean yes. No means no. Hesitation, “I don’t know,” or “maybe” means no.
  • Silence or lack of resistance does not demonstrate consent.
  • Pause and listen to your internal voice before choosing to engage in any activity.

 

• Celebrate the NO
  • Holding a boundary can be difficult. Please celebrate anyone who has the courage to honor themselves in this way.
  • Value the gift of your partner’s truth more than getting what you want

 

• Feelings of bliss or arousal may impair judgement
  • We highly discourage expanding boundaries while aroused.

 

• Consent is temporary and hyperspecific
  • Consent can be withdrawn at any time, verbally or nonverbally, even after an activity has started.
  • Consent must be negotiated with each person. If you observe others engaging in an activity, don’t assume that you can join them or that they will want to engage with you in that activity.
  • Consenting to one activity does not obligate a person to consent to any other activity.

 

• Be an ally for consent
  • Check in with yourself, and notice whether you are pushing your agenda over the needs, wants, desires of your partner.
  • Help your partner stay in their enthusiastic yes. Periodic check-ins are required during the interaction.
  • If you sense your partner may be uncomfortable, stop. Check-in to re-establish consent if possible.
  • If you witness an interaction elsewhere that feels off, check in with one or both of the parties.

 

• Be aware of your privilege
  • Not everyone has had the same access to resources, education and social status as you. This creates power differentials that at the very least, you should be aware of.
  • This applies to physical and mental capabilities as well.

 

• Complete every interaction with a check-in
  • Check in with yourself, and then with your partner, after every interaction.
  • Speak about any boundaries that were approached, reached, or crossed.

 

• Mistakes happen – let’s learn and clear
  • Boundary crossings happen often, and for the overwhelming majority of the cases these are mistakes rather than violations.
  • Open communication, taking responsibility and clearing are the building blocks for learning and growth.

 

• Something not feel good? We’re here to support
  • If you are experiencing any situation in which you need support handling, or you feel that you were violated in any way, we want to support you.
  • During HAI events/workshops you are encouraged to approach any team member or facilitator with your issue immediately, or as soon as you wish.
  • Alternatively, if would like to report something you experienced while at HAI, or with any HAI participant or team member outside of HAI, please use our online incident reporting form and you will be contacted by a HAI staff member promptly.